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mccarthyism

"memory takes a lot of poetic license. it omits some details; others are exaggerated, according to the emotional value of the articles it touches, for memory is seated predominantly in the heart." :tennessee williams, "the glass menagerie"

5.25.2015

Memorial Day. Jenni and the kids are in Indiana for a couple days, so I took the day off and slept in for a while for the first time in I can’t remember how long. When I woke up I opened up all the windows, picked up the house, did the dishes, ran a few errands. On my way home I stopped by the side of the road to pick some purple flowers – I don’t know what they’re called. They look nice on the dining room table, very bright and full and untidy. This afternoon I had Starflyer 59 playing, and then baseball on the radio.

I ate my supper outside and read from Ben Myers and Lee Bozeman while the wind tossed the tops of the trees. Our neighbor to the west has dozens of birdhouses and bird feeders in his yard so that his yard is like a bird sanctuary, and the birds sing almost constantly. While I ate there must have been several dozen singing at once. Wonderful to look up and see several birds in song. What do they sing about? It can’t just be about sex.

We’ve been in our new place now for over a month but I still don’t feel comfortable. I wonder what it would take for me to feel comfortable.

Last Monday night I went to the ordination of my friend Donald. I had a hard time keeping myself together. My own ordination process is under way and my main reaction to the whole thing was mostly terror. A couple of times I had to fight the urge to walk out – to run away. I can’t imagine that being me. But it probably will be me, in the next year or so. “I need courage, I need courage.” I liked the prostrations. That seems like the only proper posture for an occasion like that. That image has stayed with me – of Donald lying face down on the floor while all those beautiful words are said over him.


posted by ethan  # 5/25/2015 07:15:00 PM

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