mccarthyism

its getting cold in chicago. snow in the forecast but it has been off and on for the past week and we’ve yet to see any. there are only three weeks left in the semester. a greek paper to write, a couple of scary tests to prepare for, that final push and then you’re through. caela is coming to visit over the new year. we’re pretty excited about that.

the glow has gone out of life lately. the dead grey sky, the wealthy suburbs stretching out of sight in every direction, the biting wind. my own lack of discipline, fears for the future, self doubt. i miss playing music, just being at college and knowing people, knowing my own place. the greater responsibilities have not brought on greater joys, not just yet. i am working hard though, and learning quite a lot i believe. there are lots of what ifs which don’t bear thinking about. so i try not to.

not sure what to think about this space. i’ve had it for a long time and it represents a period of my life, but i really don’t see the value in keeping a public (sort of) quasi-journal or space for reflection. if i were a scholar of some merit maybe my theological ramblings would be worth reading but i’m so not and they so aren’t. i don’t know that anyone reads it. that isn’t the point really.

music:
fugazi, dead meadow, sonic youth: not exactly good for improving the mood
new radiohead, which i’m finally starting to appreciate
yo la tengo, very good for the mood, especially this which is “the story of jazz”

reading:
a stack of colossians commentaries as high as my head
“in the first circle” by solzhenitsyn. maybe i’ll quit seminary, learn russian and study solzhenitsyn. just the best ever
bainton’s biography of luther, also excellent