mccarthyism

when i woke up this morning i thought i had overslept and i was upset at myself, but as it turned out my alarm clock was about fifteen minutes fast and i hadn't slept in at all. made it to school on time and ate breakfast with david. we talked about our papers, and so on, and i realized what i've come to realize more and more this semester, that david is one of the truest friends i have. he is such a constant example of humility, honestly, and character. we came to the library and i finished up my outline and had half of it typed up by ten. chapel, lunch, and then i came back here and finished up just before 1:30. in class, collier called david and i both out (me in particular) for how weak our syntactical analyses had been. he was disappointed and while he was very gracious and kind in the way he went about it, i felt it pretty deeply. it was one of those rare moments when we are able, through our circumstances, to see ourselves clearly. my academic laziness and the apathy with which i've struggled over the past years was suddenly lit up in stark relief against the expectations of someone who has proven by a lifetime of study the value of hard work and discipline. the irony was i got an 87 on my syntactical paper; how is still a mystery. i knew i hadn't been very thorough and that i'd done a lot of guessing. the only real consequence, directly, is that getting where i should be in my study of greek will involve a lot of hard work in review of my grammar, relearning paradigms, vocabulary, etc. not that that is a light task, but i guess what i mean is that this one short coming is indicative of where i find myself is so many ways, and it being brought to my attention in this way has been just one more reminder of a pattern which i'm becoming more and more determined to break. sat outside immediately after that rather painful class session on the steps of the media center, looking out over earl field, surprised at how lovely the day had become. it was cool, a little bit breezy, lots of green leaves blowing in sunshine. i work tonight, and of course there is endless reading to be done.

and so life it goes...it goes...on